Some “Do’S” and “Dont's” of Communicating with Victims
A Compilation by Anne Seymour, Justice Solutions, Washington D.C.

DO:

• Attempt foremost to communicate trust, support and confidence.

• Calm and comfort victims. Ask “How are you doing?”

• Allow victims time to tell what happened and describe how they are feeling in their own words.

• Be willing to listen to the victim share his or her experience if he or she wants to talk about the crime and its effects, and validate that experience with empathy and support.

• Understand that many victims will have extreme difficulty reconstructing their lives after a violent crime, and that some may never recover from the tragedy.

DON’T:

• Be judgmental or blame the victim for the crime that was committed against him or her or against a loved one.

• "Second guess" how the victim reacted to the crime, either at the time it was occurring or in the aftermath of a violent act.

• Avoid the victim, or avoid listening about his or her reaction to the crime.

• Try to frame the victim's experience to any possibly similar experiences, including your own. It is essential to individualize each victim, each crime, and each victim's reaction to that crime.

• Be afraid of silence. Use it constructively.

• Become flustered by the victim’s anxiety or urgency.

GOOD THINGS TO SAY TO VICTIMS

• I’m sorry.

• What happened is not your fault.

• I believe you.

• Your case is important/unique.

• I’m sorry to bother you.

• I can’t imagine, but...

• I can’t possibly understand what you are going through, but I’m going to try and help you.

• How are you doing?

BAD THINGS TO SAY TO VICTIMS

• I know how you feel.

• I understand what you’re going through.

• Why were you....didn’t you...?

• Your case reminds me of another victim I dealt with...

• As a general rule of thumb...It’s God’s will (or any religious platitude).

• You need to get over it/ get on with your life.

• At least you weren’t hurt.

• You should forgive.

• Time heals all wounds.  
• It could be worse.

• What you need is.....

• Drunk driving “accident.”

• Offenders aren’t really bad people...

• The poor defendant had a really tough childhood....

COMMUNICATING WITH CHILD VICTIMS

• Keep in mind how you would want your own children to be treated under similar circumstances.

• Get to know the child. Take time to build rapport.

• Allow the child a chance to relax with you and the environment.

• Introduce yourself and explain your role in understandable language.

• Adjust the way you approach children, if necessary. Examine your interview setting from the perspective of a child, including getting down on your knees and looking around.

• Develop patience and examine your expectations. Small children have short attention spans; do you expect them not to fidget?

• Recognize that children are at different levels of intellectual, behavioral and language development. Make sure you have a basic understanding of what is normal for different ages, and of limitations.

• Use age-appropriate language. Avoid big words and complicated sentences. Keep events in sequence. Find out what words the child uses and use them.

• Let children know it is okay to tell you when they don’t understand what you are saying or asking.